Rejecting Counsel

In a recent blog I spoke about my first attempt at making bread. There was one step in the process where I had to transfer some rolled-out dough from one location to another. Now I know that most of you have seen the pizza commercials where the chef is throwing the dough into the air and twirling it, then catching it and repeating the process (do you know how hard it is to get a big circle of dough out of your hair!). It isn’t as easy as it looks, especially the first time. Anyhow, the first time I tried to transfer the dough from one location to another, I didn’t know what to do. My wife, who is an expert at almost anything she does in the kitchen, showed me (from her experience) how to roll the dough up on a rolling pin and use it to carry it to the other location and then simply roll it out. Simple, but outside the box for this novice. However, the next time I had to do this procedure I looked like a pro as I got out my rolling pin and completed the task.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It takes time to gain it, but it pays off in the long run. Experience is best gained under the instruction of one who knows more than you do. This brings me to the point of my blog today. In Proverbs, a book of the Bible, we are told in chapter 1, verses 5 and 6 that a wise man will hear and increase in learning. And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel. Conversely, it tells us in verse 7 that fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Have you ever met anyone who thinks that he knows everything? This is usually a person who makes a lot of mistakes, but will not admit that he needs help. He is a person who doesn’t listen when one tries to help him, in fact, he resents it. How do I know this? Because I have been that person in the past.

I would like to blame it on my youth, but I must admit that it was more pride than anything. I could not admit that someone might know more than I. I wanted to be the one to whom everyone else looked. I was afraid that if I admitted that someone else knew more than I, then I would not be the leader, the one in control. For years I had a problem with submission and even today my first reaction is to reject authority. What a fool I was! I say fool because that is what God says: “Fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

Since I work with young people, I have to deal with this kind of attitude everyday. I tell someone to do something and later discover that they didn’t follow my instruction. They thought there was a better way. First of all, it was direct disobedience. Secondly, they acted out of ignorance. They did not have all the facts. I had information they did not have, and their willful disobedience led to more problems. The result of this simple act of disobedience was that they broke a trust. I trusted them to do what I asked (they had led me to believe I could trust them), but they chose differently. Now I don’t know if I can trust them with even minor decisions. Was it pride? Was it ignorance? Was it rebellion? I don’t know. All I know is that the first problem was not solved and now there is a second problem.

I am a person who doesn’t handle poor performance very well. I get offended when someone willfully misleads me, when they consider their decisions to be better than mine. When this happens, I tend to not be very merciful. God has given me a wife who helps guide me into being more understanding and merciful. My way is easy. It is clear cut, black and white. Her way gets complicated. There seems to be no closure. I love closure. Cut to the chase. Cut your losses. Move on. However, I have found that the next person doesn’t live up to my expectations either. What to do? I am finding her way better. Slower, but better.

I wondered, “What would God do?” Immediately I remembered the 7 X 70 rule. I asked him could perhaps the 7 X 70 relate to me and could I apply the 1 X 1 rule for everyone else. He reminded me of another story about the servant who received forgiveness for a huge debt, but was then not willing to grant forgiveness for a small debt. It ended with words like anger and torturers. (Mat 18:34) 7 X 70 is good!
I also remembered that Jesus told us that we shall reap what we sow. Returning to Proverbs chapter 1, it concludes with an admonition to those who choose their own way and will not listen to counsel.

"Because I called and you refused, I stretched out my hand and no one paid attention;
And you neglected all my counsel And did not want my reproof;
I will also laugh at your calamity; I will mock when your dread comes,
When your dread comes like a storm And your calamity comes like a whirlwind, When distress and anguish come upon you.
"Then they will call on me, but I will not answer; They will seek me diligently but they will not find me,
Because they hated knowledge And did not choose the fear of the LORD.
"They would not accept my counsel, They spurned all my reproof.
"So they shall eat of the fruit of their own way And be satiated with their own devices.
"For the waywardness of the naive will kill them, And the complacency of fools will destroy them.
Pro 1:24-32

There will be many in our lives who reject our advice. Perhaps it is because we give it when it isn’t asked for. We see our giving advice as love, they see it as meddling. Perhaps our advice isn’t filled with as much wisdom as we think. Maybe, it is because we have not earned the right to give advice. So, therefore, I am striving to see the beam in my own eye before I try to remove the speck out of someone else’s eye. I also am trying to listen more myself to those to whom God has gifted with wise counsel. And I try to understand more before seeking to be understood.

I would like to think that I am worth being sought out and listened to, but I also realize that I have a long way to go myself. So, if you are reading this and have rejected counsel and instruction that was rightly given, go back again and read the above passage. If you are reading this and I have offended you in any way with my “free, unsolicited, unwanted counsel,” please use the 7 X 70 rule.